How to disagree productively ?
Super important interpersonal skill is how to engage in a discussion when others have different opinion or point of view. If you are a leader driving this team or managing this meeting, lot of responsibility to make this fruitful discussion is on you.
I have observed at so many places and times at private companies, political organizations, social media debates, news debates, WhatsApp groups, home owners associations etc some people struggle to handle opposing views. You couldn’t see change in body language, tone and choice of words.
I have observed people exhibit these patterns and this causes unnessary escalation of the discussions and people walk away not feeling included.
- Litsen to respond and not understand
- Not let or wait till other person share opinion, abruptly interrupt to cut off
- Don’t give benefit of doubt
- Wrongly assume intent or agenda of the person with opposite views
- Not able to understand the power and meaning of Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging and creating environment of psychological safety
When I drove meetings, here are the practices I tried to follow
- During brainstorming or feedback collection, I would not let anyone judge or comment on the idea or feedback immediately. I would ask members to express their idea and thought, listen and make notes first.
- The moment people know, their ideas are not judged before even they complete their sentences, they felt psychological safety to share their thoughts and felt included
- Group similar ideas together and discuss them as one unit with pros and cons. No individual attack on person who shared the idea or opinion.
- Appreciate the good ideas, out of the box thinking and creativity but don’t criticize any idea or the person
- Ask questions that shed light on blind spots in the conversation instead of saying your are wrong or that won’t work
- Appreciate people who disagreed with me or helped to correct my understanding
When I asked my team what is they like the most in my team (ex) , they would always say “How we run our meetings or discussion and how they feel they are included in the team”
Read this very good HBR article
